Asshole spotting

For those about to gripe … Axl Balls
19th April 2016
Slave to the Mild
11th June 2016

Asshole spotting

Can you define a human being by observing their behaviour from the moment they enter an airport until they leave the airport again? But of course you can!
And what do you know,  look, here comes our subject. Our subject is an asshole.


He/she enters the airport and tries to skip the check-in/baggage-drop line by pretending not to have seen the long line and stands in the business class line instead. When it’s pointed out to them that they need to stand in the regular line they find it hard to understand, but they do it anyway. It's their turn now, but they find it odd that they have to show the passport.


The asshole looks irritated by waiting in line at the security. They are too busy and too important for this. At the same time they wait until the very last second to take off their jacket, pull out the laptop and liquids. Belt? Do they really need to take that out too? Eyes roll, the belt is off. Starts walking through the scanner. The security guard asks them if they have a tablet in that bag. Eyes roll. Tablet gets pulled out of the bag. Through the scanner again. It beeps. Oh yea, there is a change in the pocket. Forgot about that. Can they just hand the change out or do they have to get through the scanner again? Through the scanner again. Eyes roll. Things roll in on conveyor belt. Finally. They starts dressing and picking their stuff right there where it came out. Completely ignoring the people who can’t get though their stuff because of them. Other people's stuff starts piling up.


At the packed boarding area they put their bag on the seat next to them regardless of other people who might want (need?) to sit down. If someone approaches them about the seat they roll they eyes and move their bag without a single word spoken or any eyecontact whatsoever.


When entering the plane and arriving at their seat, they take their sweet time in the aisle, taking their jacket off, putting it in the overhead compartment. Opening the bag and taking some important stuff out. The line behind them grows. People can’t come to their seats. Closes the bag. Puts it back up in the overhead compartment. Takes it down again. Opens it and takes something else out. Finally sits down. Seatback is down – right away, all the way. Ignores the information about getting the seatback in upright position during the take-off. Stewardess reminds them about it. Seatback is now up.

Ass soon as the plain is up they put the seatback down again, inconsiderate of a person behind them. It's their right. They payed for the ticket.

A beverage is included in ticket price. Our subject orders wine, then asks for another one. And another. Can’t get another one, because the plain is about to land.
“Sir, we are about to land, please put your seatback up”.


Stands at the very place where the luggage is coming out on a baggage carouseand and doesn’t care that they stands in the way of those whose luggage has already arrived.

Behaviour at the airport revels many aspects of our personality and ultimately, the kind of person we are. The configuration and obstacles we’re exposed to in an airport are diverse & jammed in a short period of time and as such they can give a very good characterization of us as people.

Did you recognize yourself in the above portrayal? Are you an asshole? More often than not, such assholes ... do make me smile.

On a partly separate note:
If you are using this emoji on your social media posts, then stop doing that.