Are you takin’ a piss at me?

Let’s vote to make Denmark more egoistic
10th June 2015
There is something rotten in the state of Denmark
15th January 2016
Let’s vote to make Denmark more egoistic
10th June 2015
There is something rotten in the state of Denmark
15th January 2016

Are you takin' a piss at me?

It’s a question as old as time … well not really, but it feels like that sometimes.
You hear it all over the place - “Remember to put the toilet seat down” – it's the spark that fuels so many arguments, the big ones too. Oh yea the big ones too.
So what’s the big deal about putting toilet seat down?

What’s the difference? I can’t really see the reason to categorically go with one or the other.

Since the vast majority of bellyaching (get it?) about this topic is rooted in women, let’s look at it form (kinda) their perspective.



They want us to leave the seat down, because it makes it easier for them. Ok, let’s put our gentlemen ways aside and look at it rationally: men can take a piss standing up and sitting down, women can’t.
Now that my gentlemen manners are thrown aside for a moment, I’ll like to start off, by saying: “HA!”.

So basically women want us to go out of our way and put the toilet seat down to make it easier for them. We can do that, but to demand it is unfair and groundless. Asking us to put the seat down based on the fact that we have advantage of choice here is lame. You don’t ask people who have advantages in comparison to you, not to use them just because you can’t do the same. That would be rude and envious. Even malice.  It would be as mean as if men demanded for women not to multitask, because us men apparently can't match women when it comes to that.



There is always that solid argument of good ol’ hygienics, but let’s look into that. “Put the fucking seat down” is not about that because as long as we put the seat down it’s cool. I’m so lucky that I can take a piss standing up, but apropos hygienic aspect of the dilemma, isn’t it more hygienic for us men not to touch the toilet at all, especially at working place and similar settings? I mean, those things are germ-bombs. Some people sit on them with their bare asses :-D
The funniest aspect of this is that women don’t mind if the top lid is up or down and they have to touch it in order to take a piss. I mean, if the top lid is down women still need to do something in order to sit down and do their business and trust me the top lids are filthy as well.


Mutual Respect

It’s all actually quite simple and it’s about mutual respect. And respect is not even taking a high road or acting like a gentlemen or gentlewoman (if that’s even a word). It’s about showing respect to one another. In this case a dash of compromise could be a solution. It would probably result in something like always keeping top lid down. But that wouldn’t really solve the issues of either side, so perhaps it’s best just to show some mutual respect and give each other space to use and leave the toilet as we please.



There are members of the prettier gender who request for men to sit down every time they take a leak. They too, should read the above text once again and of course, they should remember that men have this integrated reflex to sitting down on toilet, which makes them stay there longer then needed. It’s not rational or calculated and it doesn’t serve a specific purpose – it’s just the way it is. When we sit down on a toilet, we take our sweet time with papers, magazines, books, smartphones or even a fucking product declaration on the back of fabric softener bottle. So even if we look pass the idiotic demands, alone this should make those women want us to stand up again and piss the way Darvin intended us to do.



Toilet seat has never been any form of comversation piece or issue at my home and all along it has been up and down, in-between, slightly hanging to the left and sometimes it even fell down to the floor. Whatever position it was in, there was never any bellyaching about it. And no, I don’t live alone. And YES, I do live with a girl. And yes, for the most part the toilet seat and the top lid are all down. And yes, in avarage of every third time I actually piss sitting down.
And yes this whole thing did almost … make me piss myself.


On a fairly related note:
Always place toilet paper like this. End of story. Ok, unless you own a kat.